you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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