HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
