You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
