I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
