my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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