And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
