Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize