I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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