literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
