I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize