She said her name was "party"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
