I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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