I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
