i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
