Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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