Christians are straight up FREAKS
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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