hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
