is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
