the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
