chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
