Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
