Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
