3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize