So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
