My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
