there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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