If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you had me at cake vodka
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
