Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize