6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
