your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
