I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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