And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
