bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
