Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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