Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
