We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
