i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
