Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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