Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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