i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
