she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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