my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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