From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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