I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
