we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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