please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
