I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
