Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
