At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
