i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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