I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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