Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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