I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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