you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize