Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
