Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
