The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize