We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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