the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
