If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
