how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
