Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
