o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
