I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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