the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
