Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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