Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize