I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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