Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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