in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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