had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
