Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
