she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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