I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
