I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
